According to a new study, bicyclists are facing higher injury rates and longer stays in the hospital. Researchers blame the trend on more people taking off their training wheels.
A high-ranking Mormon stated that anti-Mormon backlash after Californians outlawed gay marriage, was like intimidation of Southern blacks in the civil rights era. John Edwards added ”You know what’s also like intimidation of blacks during civil rights? This whole anti-cheating thing."
The Smithsonian's Museum of Natural History plans to open a permanent exhibit on the "discovery and understanding of human origins". Evolution can be controversial, so to address the issue, they’ve convened a panel of experts. [Picture: An ape, Neanderthal, and modern man, seated left to right at a conference table, dressed in suits.]
A brothel in Berlin, Germany is trying to be more environmentally friendly by offering discounts to customers who get there by bike. In a related story, Eliot Spitzer is biking to Germany.
An auction house in Chicago announced that it plans to auction off a large quantity of Elvis Presley’s hair. In honor of the sale, Antiques Roadshow will air a special segment called “That’s Creepy.”
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Couric/ Palin
This is sketch I wrote that may never see the light of day, so I thought I'd share it with you, gentle reader. It's a parody of the FROST/ NIXON trailer called COURIC/ PALIN. You can see the FROST/ NIXON trailer here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ibxs_2nDXUc
FADE IN:
MPAA TITLE CARD “THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN RATED ‘R’”
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD “FROM THE CREATORS OF FROST/NIXON”
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD “COMES THE YEAR’S MOST HIGHLY ANTICIPATED POLITICAL DRAMA”
CUT TO:
TV news footage of John McCain announcing Sarah Palin as his VP.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “IN 2008”
CUT TO:
Footage of Palin waving to a cheering crowd.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “JOHN MCCAIN CHOSE SARAH PALIN AS HIS RUNNING MATE.”
CUT TO:
Footage of Palin accepting nomination at GOP convention.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “IT WAS A BRILLIANT POLITICAL STRATEGY”
CUT TO:
FOOTAGE OF TV ANCHOR 1
TV ANCHOR 1
This is the first time the Republican Party has selected a woman as a candidate for Vice President.
CUT TO:
FOOTAGE OF TV ANCHOR 2
TV ANCHOR 2
I don’t think the Democrats will know what hit ‘em!
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
“BUT ONE WOMAN”
CUT TO
INT. OFFICE
COURIC
I have a great idea for an interview: Sarah Palin.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
“HAD A FEW QUESTIONS”
COURIC STAFFER
But you’re Katie Couric. Yesterday you interviewed Jessica Simpson’s rabbit.
CUT TO:
Couric hopping around and playing with rabbit on talk show stage.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
COURIC
Well it was a furry little thing.
CUT TO:
EXT. FROZEN WILDERNESS
PALIN
Why would I want to do an interview on TV?
PALIN FRIEND
Well if you’re going to be running the county, people are going to, ya know, want to know something about ya!
PALIN
Oh!
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “THEY WERE OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE.”
INT NIGHT. HOTEL KITCHEN
McCAIN: Couric’s a lightweight. You’ll crush her.
ALT. 1
PALIN: Like one of those things with the thing on the end of it and the thingy?
MCCAIN
Exactly my friend.
ALT. 2
PALIN: Like one of those things that come outta the dirt with the ridges and the squirmy slime stuff on ‘em?
MCCAIN
Exactly my friend.
ALT 3.
PALIN
But I can’t read!
MCCAIN
Not even an issue.
CUT TO:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
COURIC
I want you to know her inside and out! She’s the Vice Presidential nominee-- not some fucking beauty contestant.
COURIC THROWS ALL OF HER PAPERS OFF OF HER DESK.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “AND OUT MANEUVERED.”
CUT TO:
INT. TV STUDIO
PALIN
Did you have a good night last night?
COURIC
Yes, thank you.
PALIN
Ya know, me too! Todd went at me from behind like Uh! Uh! Uh! and I’m like yeah, and he’s like unnghh!!
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “THEIR ONLY HOPE”
CUT TO:
INT.
COURIC
She could be the nation’s first functionally retarded elected official.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “WAS THE TRUTH”
CUT TO:
EXT. WILDERNESS DAY
PALIN MOWING DOWN A MOOSE WITH A MACHINE GUN.
PALIN (removing safety goggles)
Wow! Ya really feel that in your shoulder (spits).
CUT TO:
INT. TV STUDIO
COURIC
Well explain to me why Alaska’s proximity to Russia enhances your foreign policy credentials.
PALIN
Well it certainly does. As Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America, where do they go? It’s Alaska.
CUT TO: CLOSE UP MCCAIN
MCCAIN (on phone)
I will ruin you if it takes the rest of my—[HE FALLS ASLEEP].
COURIC
Hello. Hello?
CUT TO:
Montage of lights, cameras, operators getting ready for interiew.
CUT TO: INT. TV SUDIO
TV STAFFER
Cue Katie.
COURIC
Are you saying that John McCain is a maverick?
PALIN
John McCain has that streak of independence in him that I think is very, very important in America today in our leadership. I have that within me also and that’s why John McCain tapped me to be a team of mavericks of independents as a team member in this um-- on this new team promising the reform.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “COURIC/ PALIN”
CUT TO:
CLOSE-UP OF COURIC
COURIC
Huh?
THE END
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
FADE IN:
MPAA TITLE CARD “THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN RATED ‘R’”
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD “FROM THE CREATORS OF FROST/NIXON”
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD “COMES THE YEAR’S MOST HIGHLY ANTICIPATED POLITICAL DRAMA”
CUT TO:
TV news footage of John McCain announcing Sarah Palin as his VP.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “IN 2008”
CUT TO:
Footage of Palin waving to a cheering crowd.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “JOHN MCCAIN CHOSE SARAH PALIN AS HIS RUNNING MATE.”
CUT TO:
Footage of Palin accepting nomination at GOP convention.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “IT WAS A BRILLIANT POLITICAL STRATEGY”
CUT TO:
FOOTAGE OF TV ANCHOR 1
TV ANCHOR 1
This is the first time the Republican Party has selected a woman as a candidate for Vice President.
CUT TO:
FOOTAGE OF TV ANCHOR 2
TV ANCHOR 2
I don’t think the Democrats will know what hit ‘em!
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
“BUT ONE WOMAN”
CUT TO
INT. OFFICE
COURIC
I have a great idea for an interview: Sarah Palin.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
“HAD A FEW QUESTIONS”
COURIC STAFFER
But you’re Katie Couric. Yesterday you interviewed Jessica Simpson’s rabbit.
CUT TO:
Couric hopping around and playing with rabbit on talk show stage.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE
COURIC
Well it was a furry little thing.
CUT TO:
EXT. FROZEN WILDERNESS
PALIN
Why would I want to do an interview on TV?
PALIN FRIEND
Well if you’re going to be running the county, people are going to, ya know, want to know something about ya!
PALIN
Oh!
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “THEY WERE OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE.”
INT NIGHT. HOTEL KITCHEN
McCAIN: Couric’s a lightweight. You’ll crush her.
ALT. 1
PALIN: Like one of those things with the thing on the end of it and the thingy?
MCCAIN
Exactly my friend.
ALT. 2
PALIN: Like one of those things that come outta the dirt with the ridges and the squirmy slime stuff on ‘em?
MCCAIN
Exactly my friend.
ALT 3.
PALIN
But I can’t read!
MCCAIN
Not even an issue.
CUT TO:
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
COURIC
I want you to know her inside and out! She’s the Vice Presidential nominee-- not some fucking beauty contestant.
COURIC THROWS ALL OF HER PAPERS OFF OF HER DESK.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “AND OUT MANEUVERED.”
CUT TO:
INT. TV STUDIO
PALIN
Did you have a good night last night?
COURIC
Yes, thank you.
PALIN
Ya know, me too! Todd went at me from behind like Uh! Uh! Uh! and I’m like yeah, and he’s like unnghh!!
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “THEIR ONLY HOPE”
CUT TO:
INT.
COURIC
She could be the nation’s first functionally retarded elected official.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “WAS THE TRUTH”
CUT TO:
EXT. WILDERNESS DAY
PALIN MOWING DOWN A MOOSE WITH A MACHINE GUN.
PALIN (removing safety goggles)
Wow! Ya really feel that in your shoulder (spits).
CUT TO:
INT. TV STUDIO
COURIC
Well explain to me why Alaska’s proximity to Russia enhances your foreign policy credentials.
PALIN
Well it certainly does. As Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America, where do they go? It’s Alaska.
CUT TO: CLOSE UP MCCAIN
MCCAIN (on phone)
I will ruin you if it takes the rest of my—[HE FALLS ASLEEP].
COURIC
Hello. Hello?
CUT TO:
Montage of lights, cameras, operators getting ready for interiew.
CUT TO: INT. TV SUDIO
TV STAFFER
Cue Katie.
COURIC
Are you saying that John McCain is a maverick?
PALIN
John McCain has that streak of independence in him that I think is very, very important in America today in our leadership. I have that within me also and that’s why John McCain tapped me to be a team of mavericks of independents as a team member in this um-- on this new team promising the reform.
CUT TO:
TITLE CARD: “COURIC/ PALIN”
CUT TO:
CLOSE-UP OF COURIC
COURIC
Huh?
THE END
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